Ammending the Soil

I'm startleable and excited all the time. It's good and I will not be disappointed if the startler is just a leaf vine or a ghost - or the wind in the trees. Because I embrace my time and opportunity for solitude and self education.

I feel wild like Tigerlily, and I want to un-tame myself now. I want to leave my hair a mess, run around half undressed and half dressed like a man - I want to kick things over with my boots and call like a warrior and howl at the moon.

I AM the person I want to be- though sometimes behind closed lips. I don't need to feel that I am understood, but I shouldn't either shy away for the fear of confusing or putting people off all the more.

Middle of the road, detached, fluid, existing in the pure light of all I am and nothing more but certainly nothing less. Romantic? Not I, perhaps only here.

I ENJOY! And I REVEL! and I REBEL! And I swoon and allure and consume! CHA!!!!!

The train doesn't sound the same. Even the hisssss. The thick air must muffle it. But does it still know me? Though I clearly remember it. I CAN still tame it. Rather, it will still take me wherever I should like to go. Just like a past lover, who loves unchanging but unpossessingly - and I may call on it when it pleases me because no matter the distance and time apart we. are. devoted.

In the areas where I am otherwise distracted, I need to fill in the spaces between - as precious and savory as the distractions might be. I continue to build my own foundation with the expectation that eventually it will be all I have, and in anticipation that one day, maybe even soon, this that I consider so savory will be no more.

...and when it is, I will find something new, and I will become excited again.