Cicada Song

Entering a time of relative quiet, and you know, its ALL relative because here I go still working two jobs on top of trying to run my own collective & personal business....so not adding one more thing to my plate just sounds relaxing, not necessary.

Although, maybe that is the point. Maybe relaxing IS necessary - tell that to a Vata Sagittarius with the "sports gene". I've been walking along the Colorado river at dusk to calm my locomotive soul, that chugging mind and hissing body, that can take hundreds of feet to skid to a stop.

I don't HAVE to do everything. I only have to do what matters. So, here's what matters in a burst of tiny early autumn inspiration in the dead of summer: what matters is feet on the earth and paint under my fingernails creation. Charcoal knees and hands that smell of tinctures from pressing them both bare.

Taking a break from the infor-emo-tion highway. Closed system. We put so much of ourselves out there  to share that we forget to embody what we mean. I used to think that putting a thought out into the universe would help it to manifest - now I see how its like throwing bread crumbs into a rushing river on Yom Kippur, washing us away of all our sins and best intentions. Rather I should now sit with that thought and hold it within me, let it marinate and sink into the root of me, becoming a part of my molecular body and my unconscious mind. Maybe THAT is the magic. Privacy is the magic. Quiet.... is the magic. Just ask the cicada.

So now I let go all of the things that have me running on this wheel towards a "success" that I will never have the time to truly create because my efforts are too split, hurried, and disjointed. And when I lay my head down on my pillow at night, I am too exhausted to receive the loving gaze that my beautiful partner would give, too exhausted to sit under the moolight with him and plant seeds in the earth and talk of mysticism and music.

I have time (if I have time) - I must now be able to pull back and be quiet - because if the former is true, then I will emerge more ready than ever to accomplish & create the life I want to inhabit. If the latter is true - I should hate to say that I missed my chance to enjoy peacefully those things that I now take for granted will be there when I finally have time to slow down.